May 12, 2014

Subject: parents…conclusion

To: Dr. Brian [my light touch chiropractor]
I woke up crying this morning with my father on my mind. I keep feeling my parent’s energy around me. They felt like parasites, eating away at my spirit and being. I feel a profound sense of vulnerability as I acknowledge my weakened physical state. It seems my father always ups his attacks when I am fighting the cancer because he knows my defenses are low.

The feelings are an aftermath to my taking action. [Often when I take steps towards change, there is a temporary backlash of the old feelings.] I need to acknowledge them, feel them and let them go.

My parents are like parasites who will not be happy until I lie down like a dead carcass and let them feed off me. They can never have enough of me, because they need to eat me and consume me. [Again, this is not a statement of fact. It is a description of my feelings.]

I must remember that words mean nothing to my father. There will never be resolution with him. His energy will always be harmful to me. Words are so important to me and I stand by what I say, so I need to remember that words mean nothing to my father and his words mean nothing. It is all a game.

I do truly believe my father has intention to kill me, though I am not sure how much of it is conscious. [I don’t mean physically kill me as to plot my murder with a gun or by some other physical means. I am referring to how I experienced the emotional and energetic exchange between me and my father. Whether it is opposition, or a need to control, I experienced it and processed it as an attack on my very being and saw it as a threat to my survival.] BUT I still believe my job is to respond from a place of LIGHT, ask for assistance when I need it, and try to develop a kind of “neutral” attitude about him and my mom. I believe that is my new task: LIGHT and NEUTRALITY and INDIFFERENCE regarding my parents. I have to take the CHARGE out of my response to them. THIS IS NOT EASY.

I WAS NOT PUT ON THIS PLANET TO BE EATEN BY MY PARENTS OR THE CANCER. I DON’T KNOW WHY I WAS GIVEN THE PARENTS I WAS GIVEN, BUT I DO KNOW IT IS MY JOB TO DEAL WITH IT. IT MIGHT BE UNFAIR AND DIFFICULT BUT IT IS STILL MY JOB.

My brother should be here in about an hour or two [my brother was coming from Toronto to visit me in the Mexican hospital]. That will help shift my focus. I feel fairly rested. Today was a big step for the positive, but it will take time to fully integrate the change. The old feelings may still surface, and I just need to acknowledge them, feel them, release them, let them go, AND MOVE BACK TO THE LIGHT.

Now is not the time to focus on how disturbing this is – that will just upset me. I think we all know it is disturbing. NOW IS THE TIME FOR CALM CHANGE.

AS I CHANGE HOW I RESPOND TO MY PARENTS, AS I CLEAR THEM EVEN FURTHER FROM MY BODY, MIND, SPIRIT, SOUL, PSCHY AND AURA, MY LIGHT WILL BECOME EVEN BRIGHTER AND I WILL ALSO CLEAR THE CANCER.

I know this is not easy, but I must accomplish this if I want to heal….and healing is the only option I will accept. NOW THAT IS THE REAL REASON I HAVE BEEN PUT ON THIS PLANET.

My brother just called. He will be here shortly. Yea!!

Blessings and a hug to you.

Laura