May 9, 2014

Subject: challenges and decisions

Hi Dr. Brian [my light touch chiropractor].

Yesterday I hit a wave of despair and self-doubt. It’s not possible to be positive all the time. I also do not think it’s honest or healthy. I have found that it’s best to acknowledge and embrace the full spectrum of life. But it’s important to always strive to keep the larger perspective no matter where we are in the spectrum. That’s the hardest and most spiritual part to achieve—remembering the “good” when feeling the “bad.” Once we achieve that, we can embrace the total human experience, hopefully with as much self-love and compassion as possible. It’s an ongoing practice.

I spoke with my doctors today. Right now there will be no [low-dose] chemo. With tumors as large and dense as mine, they have better results with the immunotherapy. Low-dose chemo can be tried at a later date, but you cannot do both together—they work against each other, as immunotherapy builds up the immune system and chemotherapy of any kind compromises the immune system. I feel comfortable with this plan of action.

Even though I woke up in a low mood, I can still find many things to be thankful for:

1. My room is quiet and peaceful.

2. I get to work with a physical therapist six days a week. This is so important for my body and mental state. We stretch, do muscle strength exercises, and I walk on the treadmill for 20 minutes. It’s the highlight of my day :)

3. My doctors are very knowledgeable and friendly, and treatment is cutting edge.

4. I like the nature painting on the wall in my room.

5. I’m glad my brother will be visiting in a few days.

6. I’m glad the food here is all organic.

Focusing on the positive shifts my mood into a more elevated state. Sometimes it seems I can just feel God in the air :)

Blessings to you, and I will keep you updated,

Laura