Subject: Wednesday

Hi Dr. Brian.

I made it to the hospital and am settling in. At 6:00 am they gave me an IV and restricted my eating in preparation for surgery. They’re going to implant two ports into my neck—one port to take things out of my body and one port to put things into my body. Blood, medication, and immune cells are some of things that will be transported through these ports.

Surgery was scheduled for 9:00 am, but it’s now 9:30. Hopefully it won’t be postponed too much longer because I’m hungry and cannot eat until the surgery is over.

I slept VERY well. I think I was delirious from stress and fatigue. The rest helped a lot. I try to keep my focus on expansion and on not being reactive to the stress so that I can receive the most benefit possible from this treatment. My attitude is thus far pretty good. I just keep muttering the word expansion; even when I’m releasing pain or frustration, I mutter expansion while I’m releasing.

I do have a strong sense that I am safe here. I’m enjoying the quiet. The nurses do answer the call button, so that’s better than the U.S. They just don’t speak English :)

more later . . .

10:39 am

It’s 10:39 and I’m still waiting for the surgeon. There is a lot of emotion. Tears come out of nowhere, pouring out of my heart. I need to let it all release. I think there will probably be a lot of emotion to release for a while. Really it’s a miracle that I got myself here. Now I don’t have to be so strong. I can relax and release all the stress.

My living arrangements in the hospital are quiet and peaceful. My room is simple, just a tiny closet for my clothes, so I will live mostly out of my suitcases. However, there’s a beautiful nature painting on the wall with gorgeous soft greens and a hint of orange on one side. Two trees define the painting; the images are clear but kind of dreamy and undefined. I think you would like it. Very soft and fluid; the colors are calm and pleasing. It makes me feel like nature is in my room. It’s right in front of my bed, so I see it every time I look up. The painting reminds me of the power of positive thinking and what we choose to focus on. There are so many negative things I could focus on in my hospital room, but I choose to gaze at the painting of these two trees and to allow myself to take in the nourishment.

Just found out the doctor will not be here until 2:00. I will continue to focus on expansion and positive thinking. My patience is being strengthened as I root myself in what is important.

5:00 pm

Thank the Gods, SURGERY IS OVER. I have been in bed for over 24 hours! I did fairly well managing my frustration, but I also realize that there is a time to scream and express. One of the frustrations of going to a Mexican hospital is that most of the nurses do not speak English. This is not only frustrating but can also present a health risk at times, when I can’t effectively communicate my needs to the nurses. If I scream and rant, I can get the nurses’ attention, but if they don’t understand me, then my intense emotion just scares them.

Well, can’t solve everything in one day. At least it’s good to be conscious again :)

Blessings,

Laura