I was settling in to my life in Marin. I had just passed my clinical social work licensing exams and was preparing to launch my new business—Crystal Mountain Therapies. I noticed an unusual growth on my body which I had tested. The test revealed that I had metastasized cancer. I shared the news with Carissa and Valerie. They were my teachers in a special theater class, Playback Theater, that I had participated in a few months prior.

The Cancer Has Metastasized

October 07, 2013

Hi Carissa and Valerie.

I wish this were happier news, but I am sharing with a few select people, and I woke up in the wee hours with the two of you on my mind.  I will “cut to the chase” and hope you will excuse my bluntness . . .

The cancer has returned and metastasized.  I found out 48 hours ago.  We do not know yet the extent of the metastasis.  It is at least in one place.  Further tests will determine if it is likely elsewhere as well.  I understand the nature of metastasized cancer—the cancer is no longer contained.  It is now a traveling cancer.

During my five-year battle with cancer that began in 2007, I did great soul searching, particularly when I lost my right breast.  I took back the sovereignty of my body and stopped blindly following Western doctors’ protocol.  The loss of my right breast was my personal limit.  This is not a judgment or declaration of what is right for others, it is only an honest assessment of what I can accept, if I am truthful with myself.  I believe our society is stuck in a loop of treatment that is destructive and does not serve, but it’s accepted because of fear, the status of doctors, and the belief that there are no other options.

I am of course sad, but calm, sleeping—except for this moment :) and not scared.  I am not afraid to die.  We all die.  I am sad that my time may be coming prematurely because I feel I have a great deal to contribute, and I was just beginning to enjoy the fruit of my decades of labor.  That being said, my life has been extremely difficult, with a quality of suffering that has been ongoing, so part of me will be relieved to “let go.”  I have the peace of mind of knowing that I did my very best under extremely difficult circumstances.  I know I could not have tried harder.  That kind of knowing brings great peace and acceptance.  And, on a personal level, my accomplishments were of a huge magnitude—again, relative to circumstances—and I am talking about accomplishments of the soul.

A psychic healer I started working with a few months ago made a significant contribution toward this “soul work” I am referring to.  She helped me gain consciousness of the ways my father was still accessing my body.  That relationship is the core of why I got cancer.  If we reincarnate and I am coming back, I also have the peace of mind of knowing that I will NOT be doing another round with my father.  I received the consciousness, guidance, and support to make that a reality before my passing in this lifetime.  If I accomplished nothing other than that, I would consider my life worthwhile.

Okay . . . that is enough . . .




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