February 19, 2014

Subject: honestly . . .

To: Dr. Brian

Honestly, the last email I just sent you [written earlier in the day titled “The History of my Sacrum”] was the most upsetting to write of everything I have written to you.  It brought some heaviness to my heart that I would like to release because I was feeling so light today and enjoying it.

After everything I made reference to in the previous email had occurred, I then began my five-year battle with cancer, during which I got my social work license.

I can’t exactly say when I became “glowy” and “radiant,” but I know it was sometime during my cancer years . . . As ironic as it sounds, that is the time when my capacity for joy started to fully come into being.

I know I was given an enormous amount to deal with (and you still only know part of the history).  Many with such a burden don’t make it to the other side as I have.  But, in addition to the burden, I was also given enormous “resource.”  So, really I am one of the lucky ones.  My intuitiveness, creativity, sensitivity, intelligence, spirituality, loving heart, capacity for joy, fierce determination, strength and fortitude—and many other things that are beyond language—made me one of the lucky ones.  But sometimes, like today, when I talk about the “history,” my heart feels heavy with the weight of my journey and the magnitude of what I have been through.  That’s why I like the present moment.  That’s where the joy is.

Now I am truly done,

Laura