I return to chemotherapy and my system is initially jolted. Mentally and spiritually I have developed a new attitude which allows me to move through the challenges of chemotherapy with more grace.

The Elephant with a Stubbed Toe

August 20, 2015

Subject: embracing chemo

Greetings to Rick, Dawn, Catherine, Dr. Brian, and Rose, [my inner-inner circle]

I began chemo on Monday. Tuesday was a pretty normal day and then the chemo hit me hard on Wednesday. I had high fever (101.7) which is a common side effect of this new chemo – Gemzar. I lost my appetite and became extremely weak. I had to have my toothbrush brought to me when it was time to brush as I felt too weak to walk to the bathroom and support myself during the process of brushing. Mouth care is extremely important right now even though it is the last thing I feel like doing. During the year and a half that I went through immunotherapy and then chemotherapy, I developed 9 cavities!!!! This is in part because I stopped brushing and flossing on a regular basis as well as, I believe, due to the chemo and cancer. I have had all the cavities filled except two and I don’t want to recreate this condition again. ALSO, mouth care is essential during chemotherapy as while receiving chemo you are prone to mouth sores. I got those sores only once while on chemo previously, but it pushed me over the edge and we had to stop that particular chemo agent because I could not tolerate the sores. It was odd, I had been through so much, and endured so much suffering and a tiny canker sore on my tongue almost took me down—kind of like an elephant with a stubbed toe :)

Because I have entered a new plane in my personal evolution, I am responding to the challenges of chemo differently—I am embracing it. Right now it is my job. I have surrendered to the process; I have surrendered to what is. I could fight or resist, but that would use up my energy. This state of my development is about learning to use my energy in a more sophisticated way. So even during chemotherapy, I am learning, I am growing…

Okay, I think I am done for the moment. I am going to brush my teeth and floss :) and have some breakfast. My fever is down to just a little over a 100 this morning, so I am able to move much easier.



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