August 13, 2012

Subject:  I am

To: Mateo

sitting at the table eating “your” chocolate cake, the cake I said I didn’t want. Actually it’s pretty good :)

I am taking a moment to reflect on the few hours we shared.  You have had such a strong impact on me.  I feel like you are kind of a “beacon” . . . reminding me. . .

I was not glad for the appointment [last appointment with the reconstructive surgeon before moving to Marin], but I am glad for the opportunity it provided to see you again.  I think it was important to me for several reasons beyond the obvious (support for the appointment).

1. I think it was important for me to know that you also felt our connection. It was a little confusing to me at times and sometimes I thought I might be a little “crazy.”

2. You reinforced that I need to continue to trust and listen to my instincts, even when they do not make intellectual sense.

3. There is also something about your energy, your presence, and your touch that I cannot find the words for. I really made a conscious effort to “feel you” and be in the moment with you and really take you in.  As I sat with your presence, I felt this strong sensation of pleasure.  It felt like it was a reminder to my body of what I am seeking . . . almost like I was being “programmed.”  We do have to know what we are looking for in order to manifest it.  If we can feel it viscerally, and not just intellectually, then the power to manifest becomes much stronger.  I felt like you were aligning me (reminding me) of my higher purpose and what I am seeking.

So, I am glad we got to meet in my home, in a more causal and natural setting.  For me, it made things feel more real.  Obviously the appointment was not “casual,” but it was something we shared and you got to do what you do best.

You know, Mateo, I guess what was so beautiful to me is that you can support, but you do it in a way that does not require me to be the “damsel in distress.” It’s a beautiful gift, the way you can calm me without making it an overt intention . . . Just being you and the presence of your company was all that was needed.  I sense your strength . . . and your warmth.  You don’t need to say or do anything.  I feel it.

As the countdown of my move from L.A. to Marin has now begun, it has become a very spiritual time as the “bigness” of this move sinks in.  I will be stepping into the unknown . . . which alternates between scary and exciting . . . but it is a guided move, not an impulse decision.  The universe is rolling out the carpet, creating a beautiful path for me.  I have to stay connected to my strong faith and spirituality, and trust in the forces greater than me, in order to walk into the unknown and let this new chapter of my life unfold.

Thanks for giving me such a lovely and memorable send-off.

I will remember . . .

and if you ever feel the “impulse” for connection, the door is open . . .

Laura