After living in L.A. for six years, I decide to move to Marin. My life was rich in L.A., but it never quite felt like home to me. I kept trying to “make it work”. Finally I realized that perhaps L.A. was not the best fit for me and that I didn’t have to “make it work”. I share with Mateo (my L.A. tango teacher and friend) my initial impressions as I settle into my new home in Marin.

Settling into a New Life

September 12, 2012

Hi Mateo.

I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about you, so I am e-mailing you this morning.

Mateo, it is so beautiful here.  This home is nestled high up on a hill with a view of the mountains and trees, and green and hills as far as the eyes can see.  My body loves it here!  My pulse is actually stronger here, and the first few days I was dumping energy out of the soles of my feet, clearing.  It is very peaceful.  There is an odd ease with my roommates that I told you I felt even before I met them.  I felt it just from Skype, phone, and e-mail.  That same sense of ease continues.  They are nice and have good boundaries.  We are mutually respectful, and there are a lot of common interests.  They are busy with their own lives, so I have plenty of privacy, but psychologically I don’t feel so alone.  It is the best of both worlds for me.  Having roommates can be a nightmare but, Mateo, I have lived alone for the last twenty years; it’s not a good thing even though most of the time it was my choice.  However, I am different now.  I think my heart would have “dissolved” if I had moved into my own place in Marin.

So “God” is really taking care of me.  I don’t know why :)  I am supported on multiple levels.  I hold myself.  God holds me.  The trees and the mountains and the hills nourish my body and spirit and surround me with love.  And the flow continues to support me with direction and divine opportunity so I can rest in the trust and security of that.  Then I have my roommates kind of as a base.  That is a very critical piece for me.  I don’t need much from them, and they will never know how important their function is, but Mateo, really, what a miracle that I just found these people on Craigslist one afternoon . . . and I just knew . . .

My roommates are Cate and Ethan.  I have never lived with a man that I was not involved with, and I never thought I would have done so, but Ethan is very aware and respectful of boundaries and is also friendly.  It’s nice because he is on the other end of the house, kind of like a separate wing from Cate and me.  Thus it’s comfortable for me if I wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom or am getting out of the shower, etc.

So far I have done nothing but get the house in order and go to Whole Foods, Best Buy, the hardware store, and so on.  Today I will go to my first milonga [tango gathering].  I feel very rested after last night, and it is time to start doing things.  Next week the women’s tango technique and choreography class begins, and I will also resume my studies for my social work licensing exam.  I am applying for part-time jobs until I achieve my license, which could be many months since I have to study for and pass two exams.  I will also begin looking for a tango teacher to study privately with.  Cate gave me some suggestions.  One of them was the guy you suggested.

The energy is so different here.  People are friendlier.  It is so different from L.A.  But L.A. served a great purpose.  I did the final piece of my healing there.  I would not have been ready for Marin six years ago.  I was far too guarded, “sealed,” and I had to release the cancer.  My growth and healing in L.A.—physically, psychically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically—prepared me so that I would be healthy, open and whole on all fronts for this new beginning.  I had wanted to leave L.A. for a few years, but now I see the wisdom in the timing.

It has been a hard journey, and I know it will take time to build a new life here, but I have made it to “the other side,” so I am committed to life.  I will continue to hold myself and to receive and take in the bountiful support that surrounds me.  Life will be what it will be . . . but I think I may find some of what I have been looking for here.

Mateo, I hope our paths cross again.


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