Three months after my immunotherapy in Mexico, testing reveals that there is tumor growth. I begin to question my purpose in life. My website had become my sole reason for living. I wanted to contribute, make a difference, and turn this horrible experience into a blessing of some kind. I thought I was documenting my healing, but if my physical state was declining, then I wondered, “What is the meaning of my life? What is the meaning of my website?” Sofia, my belly dance teacher, helped me find the answers I was seeking.

Redefining My Purpose

August 17, 2014

Subject: Why am I here?

Hi Sofia, [my belly dance teacher]

I won’t be changing the name of my website because cancer is still “my teacher”, but I got some devastating news about the progression of my cancer on Friday and felt lost and no longer clear on my soul purpose. I felt I might be documenting my “decline” rather than my “healing” and was no longer clear how to best use the time I have left.

Then . . . I got your email* and I remembered that you don’t have to be “ill” to be inspired by my work. So I redefined my soul purpose . . . it is to show that true soul essence is joy and radiance and is INDEPENDENT OF CIRCUMSTANCE. Cancer will still be the vehicle through which I will creatively express this message. I still hope to be of support, comfort, and inspiration to those struggling with this disease, but by broadening my purpose, my path is now clear again; it’s no longer dependent on test results or the condition of my body. So . . . thank you for this unbelievably timely reminder!!!!

I still have not given up hope. My spirit is still strong and vibrant and I still RADIATE. The cancer, the tumors, the weight loss . . . none of it has changed that. My faith is stronger than ever and is not dependent on “curing” the cancer. The news I received on Friday was DEVASTATING. The cancer has progressed in the right chest cavity, in the lungs, and SIGNIFICANTLY in the bones, but I continue to be relatively pain free, which is ASTOUNDING considering the state of my body. I attribute that to my spirit. My energy fluctuates. I am coming out of a six-week period in bed. I had a blood transfusion last week because my hemoglobin count was so low causing symptoms of anemia. This is the primary reason I have felt so fatigued. Now I am doing gentle exercising again and working daily on my website.

Thank you again for your TIMELY letter and for letting me use it in my video tomorrow. I shot the Art Therapy video last Monday, and it is still being edited. Tomorrow I shoot another video . . . subject will be “Soul Purpose” :)

blessings and much gratitude,


* Sofia’s email to me:

August 16, 2014

Hi Laura,

I’m sitting here trying to make decisions about which path to follow amongst many possible.

I could just see you saying, “I don’t know the outcome, and I know my way is definitely not the traditional way to go about things, but I am going to follow my intuition and let my spirit lead the way.”

Remembering that, I realized that I didn’t need to plan everything and try to cover all the bases before I took the first step. I will just step out on the path that beckons me and see what I see.

So thank you for your wisdom and example.

I hope that when next I hear from you it’s good news and that your beautiful spirit is still shining brightly.



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