In this letter to Dr. Brian (my light touch chiropractor), I share my true feelings. It was a difficult email to write. I didn’t want to face what I was feeling inside. I just wanted it to disappear. I wanted our connection to continue, but it was not possible. I have chosen to leave out a lot of the history leading to my current feelings, so this recent exchange with Dr. Brian may not make complete sense. But I feel a need to state the following in case there is any doubt—Dr. Brian is one of the “good guys”. No doubt I would not be alive without the bond and care he provided.
September 15, 2015
Subject: explanation
Hi Dr. Brian.
I know my last response to you was a little odd. [I am referencing my previous email titled Autumn Leaves] I know I don’t owe you anything, but I did want to explain myself and take responsibility for my actions.
I reached out to you in a state of deep anguish and shock. I reached for something in my memory that was solid and comforting. But the connection we had in the past can not be recreated. I am not the same the person. I do not see or feel things the same. Sometimes I wish I could go back as reality is often disappointing and disillusioning, but reality also sets us free.
So I reached out to you and engaged your emotions and concern and asked for your support, and for this I apologize as I was not ready or able to accept it.
Please know that overall I am doing okay. The side effects of the chemo were initially strong but now are minimal. Tumor load has reduced slightly and my mood has settled and stabilized though I still have down days and moments of doubt.
When all is said and done, I will only have positive regard for you and I will only wish you the best.
Sincerely,
Laura
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