In my healing journey, I seek the expertise of many professionals. This allows me a broad perspective, but also creates some challenges. I have to deal with many strong personalities and many opposing opinions. In the end, I must make all the final decisions. It is a lot of responsibility and can feel scary at times. But one thing is for sure—if I give up my power, I give up my health.

I Am the Captain of This Ship–Part 1: Working with My Team of Medical Professionals

April 22, 2014

Subject: Samantha and Premier Research Lab Mud Packing

To: Dr. Brian [my light touch chiropractor]

I don’t know why I’m expending my energy to write this, but I was talking to you in my sleep about this…

The person who does my mud-packing detox [Samantha] . . . I don’t like her. She is the only person I allow to work with me and touch my body who I don’t like. For a while, I wasn’t clear why I didn’t like her and I stopped seeing her for a few months. Then I figured it out. She is angry and pushy. She talks to me in a punitive and fear-based tone if I don’t follow her instructions. She seems to think what she has to say is more important than what I have to say. Once I figured this out I was able to go back to her, but I am guarded and I keep my mouth shut.

In addition to mud packing, Samantha prescribes supplements, which I am no longer interested in taking. She also recommends other treatment strategies that I’m often not interested in. But if she asks me if I’m taking her supplements, I LIE, very CONVINCINGLY and say “yes.” I know that sounds ABSURD, and it is. I have learned not to hold onto anything out of fear. I did that with my parents, and look where it got me. I used to hold onto bad relationships out of fear and that never served me. The universe cannot provide if you are clinging to something negative out of fear.

That being said, Samantha, that is her name, is extremely gifted in the application of the detox mud packs, and it’s a very complicated system that not just anyone can apply. Even Dr. Halle [my naturopath oncologist] noticed the improvement in my health after I’d received a mud pack treatment from Samantha. When I first met Dr. Halle, my lymph nodes in both arm pits were hard and swollen. I had a detox mud packing session with Samantha where we mud packed my arm pits. I saw Dr. Halle a few days later, and my lymph nodes in both arm pits were soft and normal in size. Dr. Halle was so surprised, and he told me to continue seeing Samantha.

I could mud pack myself at home, but the process is very complex. There are different types of mud packs and many potential places to apply them. For me to figure out exactly what I need would be extremely difficult and would involve a great deal of trial and error, time and money. So, I choose to go to Samantha, not out of fear, but out of practicality. Her mud packing detox system works for my body. I resonate with it and I know it works. I feel a little absurd lying to her, but it’s just easier on me. If I tell Samantha I am no longer interested in following her supplement protocol or following some of her other treatment recommendations, that is when she becomes angry and pushy—though I’m sure she doesn’t see herself in this way. I don’t have the energy to deal with that kind of confrontation. So I deflect as gracefully as I can, but often she will still come back at me. That’s why I started lying. Not out of fear but because it was just easier to smile and say “yes” and then leave her office and do what I want to do.

I have a team of medical professionals from around the world. I have to deal with a lot of different personalities and it has been a learning process. Each person on my team has something to offer and each person on my team has limitations of some kind as it relates to me. I’ve had to become skilled at receiving the gifts each person has to offer while being minimally affected by that which does not resonate with me. In Samantha’s case, I benefit enormously from her mud packing system, but I don’t want to be on her supplement protocol anymore. I also do not like her anger or pushiness. However, as long as I can see what I’m dealing with, then I can adapt. So I receive the benefits of the mud packing and have found a way to say “no” to things I don’t want and to deal with the anger and pushiness in a way that has minimal impact on me.

With each professional it’s different. My conventional oncologist has a very limited way of seeing things. She has been trained in a particular manner and has this small box of specific tools. I’ve learned the great value of some of her tools and have utilized them, but I must always be aware that she only sees part of the picture. Actually each professional on my team only sees part of the picture. That’s why I MUST BE THE CAPTAIN OF MY HEALING SHIP. I’m the only one with a complete perspective of my treatment. I must deal with the strengths and weaknesses of each professional on my team and I must integrate all the different protocols I receive from my team members. Sometimes it feels like a daunting task, but no one can steer my ship but me. If I give up my power, my ship will float aimlessly and I’ll wander into illness. Only by taking charge and owning my power can I have a chance at success. Although my conventional oncologist may have a small bag of valuable but limited tools, when I combine her tools with the tools of the naturopath alternative oncologist I receive the best of both worlds.

Blessings, as always,


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