I share with Dr. Brian, my light touch chiropractor, how my positive frame of mind has impacted my healing. Many people believe attitude is the most important factor in determining treatment success. I continue to find joy in the simple pleasure of life despite my circumstances. I get what feels like a glimpse into the future as I experience serenity and a sense of letting go.

A Taste of Freedom

April 25, 2014

Subject: a taste of freedom :)

Hi Dr. Brian.

First, let me say that I continue to be very proud of myself. After a very difficult night, both physically and mentally, I got up, undeterred by the rain, suited up, and spent three hours in the forest hiking and lying down communing with the earth. In spite of everything, I managed to find delight in many simple things. The lizards seemed to have come out because of the rain—these small, clay-red lizards—with big, round, green eyes, spheres that are 90 percent above the skin. I don’t know why, but these small lizards brought me great pleasure.

Mainly, I am proud because I know most people in my situation [with a widespread metastatic cancer diagnosis] would be declining rapidly, beginning with a downward mental spiral. Then most people would stay in bed in that state of mind, especially with the discomfort from all the swelling (my liver is quite enlarged; that organ holds the heaviest tumor load). However, because I choose a positive frame of mind and because I choose to stay active, I am not spiraling down or living the typical life of a person diagnosed with my level of cancer. It is not easy, but I feel very proud of myself, and I see the impact of my attitude and self-care.

There is also the mental/psychological healing from my childhood. After we talked, and I lay on the adjustment table in your office, there was such a sense of relief and pleasure in my body, despite all the swelling :) I could feel “the story” I created about my childhood and the pain surrounding it drifting away. A sense of serenity overtook my body as I released soft tones of vocal pleasure through my breath.

You know, I can’t fully explain it cognitively, but I know I am not just “reliving” my past for “nothing.” It does seem to be surfacing for a reason. I have said for a long time that the cancer and the trauma are intertwined and that I can’t heal one without the other. There seems to be this dance between the healing of my body and the healing of my spirit . . . and I am becoming whole in the process.

Today, lying on your table, I got this taste of freedom . . . and I know that there is more of that to come . . . I remain in awe of myself, how I could be creating all of this while dealing with such a serious health crisis.

Blessings and see you on Monday,


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